Courageous Change

By Nancy C. Wonders

Let my history then be a gate unfastened to a new life and not a barrier to my becoming.
-David Whyte

The theoretical foundation for the Courageous Change methodology derives from the natural process of growth and change that applies to individuals, groups, institutions, or any living organism. This essay explains the theory and structure that supports this process. How my/our "history can become a gate unfastened to a new life."

From "ME" to "NOT ME"

I want to work with the image of a cloud, as a means to understand this process of identifying and creating successful change for leaders, organizations and individuals. In your mind's eye or on a piece of paper, create a picture of a billowy cloud, the kind you might see high in the sky on a summer's day. This cloud represents your potential, everything you can possibly be, do and experience within your lifetime. If we look at organizations, then this cloud image represents all that is possible for a particular organization within its life span. Now draw a square in the center of the cloud image. This square represents your "ME," your identity or brand, who you think you are, or what you have developed of your potential thus far in your life. Everything between the boundaries of the "ME" (square) and the boundaries of the cloud is the "NOT ME" or "NOT YET ME." is all that we could be and could do but have not yet actualized. It is what the process of entelechy calls us forward to meet.

The Greek word "entelechy" means that which realizes or makes actual, what is otherwise merely potential. It is the dynamic purpose that is coded in all living things, such as the innate instinct of an acorn to become an oak and a caterpillar to undergo metamorphosis and become a butterfly. It drives all living things to grow, which is the same as saying it drives all living things to change. The process of entelechy calls us and/or our organizations to move onto our frontier (Not Me), to step beyond the familiar identity, beyond our comfort zone (Me) into the unknown. Moreover, by answering this call we move closer to our true identity, that within each of us that is essential, unrepeatable, and eternal.

One of the significant aspects of this approach is that it enables us to meet all the changes of our lives as opportunities for growth and transformation, whether or not we planned for them or wanted them. When something happens, (an inflection point), for example, a divorce, children leaving home, having children, a parents death, a financial setback or disaster, it can provide a place for the transformation of the self into a larger version of itself. In this way, we are never "victims" or said another way, we are not helpless or without choices. We may not be able to choose to have a tragic situation removed but we can choose how we meet it and like Jacob wrestling with the angel, we too can wrestle our blessing from the angel. The blessing of inhabiting more of our potential, our destinies. Everything that happens in your life can be used as an opportunity for a courageous conversation with yourself or someone else.

The theory supporting Courageous Change affirms the "ME" as necessary, vital. It is our history, who we have been and what we have been able to do. The same is true for organizations. No organization leaves it's history behind. Successful organizations connect their future visions to their history. They build a bridge from the past to the future by honoring what they do well and building on that base. The square is within the cloud.

The "barriers to our becoming" that Whyte refers to above represent the human tendency to stay safely within the boundaries or walls that we build around the "ME," (our personal or organizational identities). Eleanor Roosevelt said "Do something every day that scares you." She must have wisely recognized our human tendency to stay in the known and the familiar, (the "ME") and to avoid our own growth and change (the frontier, the "NOT YET ME"). At the time I was growing up in the fifties, not changing was considered akin to virtue. However, we are now in the 21st century and the rate of change is a straight vertical line, which is to say the rate of change is constant. Therefore, it is apparent that as individuals and organizations we are being called to high levels of fluency in the language of courageous growth and change

Additional points about "ME" and "NOT YET ME"

• Other words for "ME" include: identity, fort, history, strengths, traits that are predominant, emphasized, privileged, developed, dominant, expanded, obvious, visible, or present.
• There are aspects of a person or organization that are currently its strengths, or "brand" It is what we emphasize or privilege. These traits are predominant, expanded, visible, developed, and/or present. The "ME" is who we are now, which includes our history.
• Other words for "NOT ME" or "NOT YET ME" include: frontier, future, emergence, things that are receded, marginalized, non-dominant, subdued, hidden, unseen, developing.
• There are qualities within a person or organization that are receded, marginalized, or not yet developed. A person or organization may resist their emergence. We may want these to remain subdued, unseen, or undeveloped. We may not be aware that we and/or our organizations need these less available capacities that are currently dormant in the "NOT ME." These qualities represent our next level of emergence, growth, creative energy, and possibility. They are the life force made visible within each of us.
• The "NOT YET ME" is our future. To resist this frontier is resist your future.
• Life is a journey. There is a natural drive (entelechy) to break through the walls of "Me," our current personal or organizational identity, to include more of and to spend more time on our frontier "Not Yet Me.")
• Vitality and authenticity are traits of someone who continually risks the expansion of the for of our "ME" to include more "NOT ME."
• Any capacity can be positive, negative or both.

Making It Personal

Think now about your Identity, History, or Predominant Attributes (ME):

• What are your strengths, places of identity and excellence?
• What are your interests and passions?
• This is your identity, your "ME." These capacities will likely remain with you all of your life, although they may appear in slightly different form as you choose to explore the frontier of "NOT ME" and expand the boundaries of identity to include your frontier.

Now think about your Frontier, Future, Emergent Attributes (NOT ME):

• Here you might also want to make a list, but this list is a bit more challenging, because you are trying to glimpse the "NOT YET ME", the future, the place from which change and growth evolve.
• Begin by asking yourself, if someone could grant you any three qualities that would be most useful to you at this time in your professional career, what would those be?
• Other clues for this category might be traits or qualities (in their positive form) that are opposite your predominant attributes (ME).
• What are some qualities that you have wished you had? Maybe you have admired them in others.
• Your daydreams and your nighttime dreams may contain clues as to your emergent attributes.
• People or situations may be hinting that there is a particular "NOT ME" quality that would be useful to you at this time.

Our Immunity to Change

Individuals and organizations have a built-in immunity to change. It keeps us from changing on a whim. And it becomes more obvious as we age. Adolescents change more rapidly than adults at midlife. Organizations with a long history are typically harder to change than startups. This immunity is pictured in those walls that make up the boundary of the square puzzle piece (our identity, our "ME"). Below are some things that keep us within those walls:

• Fear of the unknown, uncertainty
• Anxiety about the consequences of changing (generally we perceive some form of loss and that creates the experience of anxiety).
• Fear of looking foolish or awkward. Vulnerability. Another form of loss.
• Fear of the "other."

It is this last anxiety, fear of the "other" that I want to address here. When building an identity, a "ME," we often cast those attributes that are opposite of our identity as "bad," or at least not as good. We, or our way of being, becomes "the good, the true and the beautiful." Everything else becomes "other" or less good. We often build this impression based on a certain person or group that possessed that attribute which we perceived as undesirable. We may build a caricature of this trait, this "other", a flat image that is not truly representative of the trait or attribute. In this case, we have focused on or exaggerated the negative aspect of this trait. We have missed its positive aspect; we have missed seeing it whole, as it truly is. Remember every attribute has a positive and a negative aspect; every quality is useful and good at some time in some situation.

For example, if I am warm and responsive, I might perceive others who are unresponsive as uncaring or indifferent. I have attributed my assumption to their actual internal state, which I cannot possibly know. I may continue to scare myself with the stories I tell myself about this quality in others. Eventually, when I am tempted to be "unresponsive" (for whatever reason), I turn away from my initial impulse toward this behavior because I have made it so undesirable in my own mind. This increases the thickness of those boundaries, the walls of the "ME." I might even "act" as though I am "responsive," when in fact I am not, because of my fear that I will become the attribute (unresponsive) that I dislike. This of course continues to emphasize my identity of being "responsive," and makes it that much harder to step beyond those walls. Visceral resistance to exploring, at least mentally, other ways of being in the world is often a signal that we are up against our "ME" walls at a time when we might be better served by the spirit of curiosity and adventure so that we could step outside of our comfort zone. Ideally, both organizations and individuals learn to balance their identities or predominant attributes, (the "ME") with the need for new life, emergent attributes or "NOT ME."

Summary

This work and methodology is named "Courageous Change" because as E.E. Cummings once said "It takes courage to grow up and become who you truly are." For many people any step into the unknown, the "NOT ME" requires a spirit of adventure, or courage. We truly are on a frontier, because it is the unknown. It is not supposed to be easy or comfortable. You should be confused, unsure, but with this process, you will be more than these. You might just find yourself feeling expectant, curious and bold. Or you might find that you are tapping creativity and originality that does not have precedence in your life. And maybe most significantly out on that unknown territory is where life, energy and vitality await. The process of Courageous Change for living things is connected to the pattern that already resides within the person or organization. We can seek to support this pattern in each other, our institutions, and ourselves. New behaviors or new ways of being only happen when try them on, when we risk the frontier, the "NOT YET ME."

We often feel awkward and uncertain while we are changing. This is the cocoon phase and if you open a cocoon, what you see is gunk. It is messy. Both the cocooning and the breaking through the cocoon are necessary. Short cuts are inadvisable. It turns out that the struggle, hard work of emergence is necessary to the healthy functioning of the subsequent moth/butterfly, and I would add of human beings. Change is a creative process and like all creative processes, it is messy. It cannot be managed but it can be allowed and supported. It can even be led by leaders who know how to create meaning and depth in the middle of the cycle of change and who know how to help their staff connect the meaning and purpose of the organizational goals to the employee's own personal meaning and purpose.

The cycle of change and growth is more expedient if we can let go of our expectations, our ambition to get there soon, and accept the often slow and deliberate order of this process. Change and growth can occur organically if we can simply orient ourselves in the direction of what is emerging and not focus quite so intently, on what is leaving. Our intention and our focus toward the "NOT YET ME", our new life will make a substantial difference in our experience of this process.

Often when initially "trying-on" new behaviors we risk failure, and in so doing we display our genuine humanity, which is what we all share in common and the place of true and trusted connection. Trying new things and being awkward or failing is part of how we form truly resilient and vital communities. When you can trust someone with your weaknesses and your failings, and not just your strengths and competencies, you feel safe. Therefore, placing emphasis on learning and growth and not just on outcome and mastery creates innovative and resilient communities. What we are constantly told by the experts, is that to thrive in the 21st century leaders, individuals and organizations need to become innovative, resilient and vital. This process was designed for those outcomes.

There is a quote that says, "Ships are safe inside the harbor, but that is not what ships are built for." I would simply add that human beings like all living things were built for change and growth. It is inevitable and a deep appreciation of this truth will yield joy, vitality and a deep equanimity through out our lives. May the words of the poem that opened this paper guide you as you move forward in your own cycles of Courageous Change. May you remember and tend well your history but use it as a gateway, an opening to your next level of becoming.

[ back to papers main page ]